1 year of creating habits and systems for crawling out from the bottomless pit my mind was in
We all struggle with different things. In my case, I have struggled with mental health for a long time. Thankfully, I said it was enough in 2023 and have started struggling upwards since.
What you will find below is a list of things I did in this past year that helped me get my health back on track and live a little better.
The goal with this post is that if you are also at rock bottom then you can pick some ideas from this list and apply to yourself. Don’t try all your ideas at once. Start small. Do one thing better. Maybe that’s waking up on time, taking a shower, or just picking a fruit smoothie instead of an energy drink at the store. Whatever it may be, start small but in the direction of you want to be.
Create a playlist of music that makes you tick — this can be songs you sing your heart out to, bring out strong emotions, whatever. This is a set of songs that reliably get you in a forward momentum mood.
Have a daily journal — no fancy writing, simply write about your day as it comes to you. Over time, your subconscious will pick up patterns of what you have been recording, and you can even introduce a dynamic of “I will be journaling later, do I really want to say I did X today?”
Have a “well-done journal “— use it to note down positive things you’ve done but are not really worth sharing in a conversation, like picking a water instead of a soda for lunch because you’re looking to lose weight. This is an an avenue to generate gratitude towards yourself.
Have a “wimp journal” — the idea is to write down moments when you lose to fear and insecurity instead of choosing the option that pulls you forward. I write on this one every so often about moments where I didn’t take action because of how others would see it, like avoid trying a new exercise at the gym because I would look silly doing it for the first time- It’s quite powerful honestly, either I do the thing or write about how I wimped out.
Go to the gym- it won’t cure your depression or loneliness, but it will be a tremendous buffer. Bonus point for getting you in shape which will help with body image, self-confidence, and of course general health benefits.
Lean into things that scare you — I love going to the bouldering gym once a week, but lord knows how much it still scares me to get up there on the holds, week in week out. I genuinely have to scream at myself mentally to shut the f*ck up and just execute the movements. I prefer suffering through the pain fear while up there than resenting myself on the way home for not doing it.
Document what you find about yourself — I have a page called “identity check” in notion, with dozens of subpages of specific information about myself. Favourite entertainment pieces like movies, books and videogames, long term goals for life, my original ego, quotes, topics I like to chat about with others, etc. (Re)discover who you are by trial and error.
Have a scoreboard — note down things you try and aspects of your personality. Separate them into what to keep and what to let go of.
Have a (written) cookie jar — have a list of things you are proud to have done in life so far to remind yourself with proof that you can actually do some things well enough.
Go out without headphones / ear buds — walk by yourself to allow time for your brain to process thoughts and even generate new ideas.
Be bored more often — create moments that generate boredom, like going for a walk without listening to music / podcasts / etc. You will be surprised at a) how much you learn about yourself when bored and b) the new ideas you are capable of producing out of a boredom period.
Eat healthier — eat less processed food or even fast food, in favour of cooking your own healthy meals. Especially if you’re working out, eating a protein-rich diet will pay huge dividends in your body transformation, and fibre-rich food will keep your gut health trending upward.
Be comfortable with being vulnerable — if you have people you can rely on, then by all means be honest with how you’re feeling and show some vulnerability. Chances are they are going through similar problems. You’re not as unique as you think you are. Together we can help each other out of the pit.
Get more positivity in your life — mix in music with positive vibes into your playlist, pay less attention to the hate flowing out in the world, focus a little more in your journey. We become a product of our environments and who we associate with, so be close to people that generate forward momentum.
It’s not motivation, it’s discipline — motivation is fleeting, discipline will move you forward day after day after day.
Be prepared to say no to other people — a lot of this journey involves loneliness, or specifically working on yourself by yourself. That will cause you to say no more often to friends and family to spend that time working on your path. Don’t be an assh*ole because you have to “lock in”, but be mindful that you will decline invites to continue moving forward without falling back into bad habits.
Find that one thing you were passionate about as a kid and reconnect with it — Robert Greene often talks about the passions we have as children but progressively lose as we go through the stages of life. Dig deep, understand what that thing was for you, and reconnect with it. It will be a great starting point of what to aim at. For me it was learning about people, which turned into psychology which led me to learning about negotiation and tactical empathy.
Aim low enough — crawling out of the pit is an uphill battle that takes ages. 1 year later I still battle it everyday but I’m better than I was 1 year ago. That all starts with aiming just a few millimetres above your current position. Want to wake up early? Start by setting the alarm early. Okay to sleep through it today, tomorrow you snooze, next week you wake up and stay in bed doomscrolling, one month later you get out of bed when the alarm goes off.
Judge your inputs, others will judge your outputs — judge yourself by your ability to show up and work, not by the quality of said work to start with. Other people will be judging the quality of your work because its all they see. However, you spend 24 hours with yourself everyday and know exactly how much work you’re pouring and are capable of pouring — so judge based on how much you’re leaving in the tank.
Change perspective — among the things going wrong in your life, is there any of them you can reframe into a positive? At the extreme, if you’re at rock bottom then you reframe it as f*ck I got nothing to lose might as well give my ideas a go.
Take ownership of your life — one of the realisations during adulthood is that no one really cares about what you’re (not) doing. No one will be telling you to brush your teeth or chasing you to buy groceries because the fridge is empty. Agency can be lacklustre at times. But don’t avoid owning those tasks and watch your life sink even lower.
Do things by yourself — for example, go to the movies by yourself to grow more comfortable in being with yourself.
Multitask poorly – have a lot of balls in the air to juggle knowing full well a few will hit the floor. The point is for you to be making progress on multiple fronts so a) you’re hitting your dopamine reward circuits more often by getting progress in at least one area and b) it generates a lot more forward momentum. You can think about focus once you’re already on the move consistently.
Study yourself like a hawk— lean into extreme self-awareness. Not so far that you become neurotic, but pay close to attention to the words you say, actions you already do subconsciously. If you don’t know enough about who you are right now, then how can you assess the distance between who you are and who you want to be?
Fail fast — try things and be open to failing. Rather, think of it as a discovery process where you cross out the options that don’t work for you. If you are meal prepping for the entire week, then experiment different recipes you can stick to for such a long period. What foods do you enjoy enough to keep in your grocery shopping list? How many times can you actually stick with going to the gym per week? How much money do you allocate to which category in your monthly budget? Iterate and iterate fast to avoid sticking too long with something that doesn’t work for you.
Find mentors — maybe you will call this role models, but find those people. For me David Goggins, Gary Vaynerchuck, Alex Hormozi, and more played a key role to get me aiming upward. I also had mentors at work. Find people you respect, learn from them, and start executing.
Visual imagery – it helps to have a vision for what you want to do. Once again, the mentors above were key in providing a mental image to aim towards.
Go to the office – I go to the office everyday and am fortunate to be part of a very tight knit community at work. It’s leagues above to share experiences with the people you work with in person instead of sharing a couple laughs through a voice call.
Ultimately, you start from a place of dragging your skeletons alongside you while they weigh you down. Progressively, as you prove you can do the work, you start to earn your own respect again and naturally move towards positive action. None of this ever grows easy — only easier. However, it requires increasingly less mental energy to start and your body starts to move on habit. You still hate to get up early or have to cook instead of ordering it in. On the flipside, you will have done all of these yourself, for yourself, and respect yourself for it.
